Every Wednesday evening, deep in Southern Philadelphia, Laura and Mickie make dinner, split a bottle of wine and watch a film. These are their stories.

April 25 - Dream House

Laura: I like to see Daniel Craig in movies. Well, I like to see Daniel Craig. This is a ghost/haunted house/murder mystery with lots of twists and we had fun yelling out our theories from beginning to end. In a movie with only a few characters, it’s not too hard to figure out who the bad guy is. It’s not a good movie, but did I mention Daniel Craig is in it?
Grade: C-

Mickie: Daniel Craig. Strange movie. It seems like the twist ending fad sparked an idea with the writer or director and they wanted to totally give you a twist you wouldn’t see coming! A twist ending…in the middle of the movie. What we thought would be a horror film we’d have trouble getting through (watching from behind meshed fingers) turned into just a strange tale. With a ghost, though. I think. Still unsure about that one. Happily, this movie did what Killers Elite failed to do: present the hot actor in a role where his shirt is off a good portion of the time. I liked this weird movie though I doubt I’d watch it again.
Grade: B

April 18 - The Rebound

Laura: A wealthy suburban woman finds out her husband is cheating on her so she takes the kids and moves to NYC. She easily lands a job working for a sports news television channel because she’s an expert on sports, an expertise grown out of the boredom of being a suburban housewife. Right away she meets a 25-year-old guy, they become friends while he babysits her kids, and then they date. The movie is pretty run-of-the-mill and dull. The couple breaks up because he’s too young, but then he travels the world in an incredibly long montage of travel scenes. They get back together at the end because things are fine now that’s he aged a few years, visited foreign lands, and adopted a foreign kid. The end actually wasn’t so bad. It almost seems like the writer had a good idea for the end of a movie and worked backwards, but got bored along the way.
GRADE: C-

Mickie: Not so bad rom-com of Cougar Meets Young Guy. The jokey jokes made by the children and the Young Guy’s coworker were groan-worthy and Catherine Zeta-Jones’s face never moved. We’re thinking she had a little too much work done. It’s not right to be crying or outraged and have not a single facial expression available to convey the rest of it. Not right at all. At least the last shot of the movie made us go, “Awww.” So there’s that.
GRADE: C-

April 11- The Change-Up

Movie: The Change-Up

Laura: Freaky Friday-type movies shouldn’t have sexy stuff in them. It’s too gross to switch bodies with someone and then “do stuff” with their body. This movie made that the biggest joke and even included masturbation. The humor is really gross, ranging from porn actor sex with an older lady who has huge fake boobs to getting a large amount of baby poop in one’s mouth. Pretty disgusting. Leslie Mann saved this movie from getting an F. She played Jason Bateman’s character’s wife and actually took the role seriously and made her scenes watchable.
GRADE: D-

Mickie: With a title like that, you’d think there’d be more baseball involved. Instead, there were boobies galore, sick poop “humor” (the quotation marks tell you something, but what?!), and just general dumbness. As Laura pointed out, this Freaky Friday Life/Body Switcheroo movie lacked the classic easy delineation between characters. When it’s a father/son switch, they at least wear different clothes. The only way you could tell Jason Bateman was now Ryan Reynolds was that he used the word “fuck” more often. The Normal Guy (Bateman as Dave) has a great wife played by the wonderful Leslie Mann who can’t even tell he’s now the “Pig” character. I don’t think the “Pig” (Reynolds as Mitch) even changed at all by the end. Though I can’t be sure because we were so bored, we were talking about other stuff. Dumb, forgettable, don’t bother. Sorry you were in this, Alan Arkin.
GRADE: D

April 4 - Footlose

Movie: Footloose

Laura: I was a big fan of the 1980s Footloose movie. I was young enough to get away with it back then (and escape embarrassment). This new version is basically the same thing all over again with updated clothes (in most cases—-in some cases they recycled the costumes, too) and music (again, mostly). For this type of movie they actually did a good job with the updating and I think young teens would like it. We did laugh at it a lot, but we’d laugh more at the original.
GRADE: B

Mickie: WHERE WAS KEVIN BACON? I mean, really. You do a modern remake of Footloose where nearly every scene is recreated exactly (right down to a wrist flick!) and you don’t sneak Kevin Bacon in as the cop or a parent somewhere? What a lost opportunity. Anyway, this was fun to watch and just as corny as the original. Interestingly, they seemed to use all the same songs, too (except for a misplaced Jack White song) but with new singers (eh). The main actors seemed chosen for dancing (not acting) but the main dude was pretty good and we loved his in-and-out Boston accent (funnily enough, IMDB says he is from Massachusetts!). Also, two actors from Deadwood were in the movie and it was like seeing old friends again. I kept being distracted by Andie MacDowell’s wrinkles (so shallow!) and how much the main actress could sometimes look like Jennifer Aniston. But I’m glad this movie was updated for kids today. Now they have their own family-oriented, feel-good dance movie. Everybody cut, everybody cut! Everybody cut footloose!
GRADE: C

March 28 - Young Adult

Movie: Young Adult

Laura: Not being fans of screenwriter Diablo Cody, we picked this to make fun of it. Well, I actually liked it. It didn’t contain her usual annoying tidbits (overuse of “clever” teen slang, overuse of pop culture references). It’s a depressing little movie, but also humorous and full of good actors.
GRADE: B

Mickie: Slow, depressing, but alright. The acting is great and I think it’s really pretty well-directed. At one point, I shouted out, “Oh no! I hope they don’t sleep together!” Which means you can see the plot through the trees but still, not a big deal. At the end, you don’t get the sense that this character has changed at all, though I think you’re meant to. She just seems like SUCH a wreck, making the same mistakes even though she’s supposedly gone through the fire. You know what stuck with me, though, was her Young Adult novels. I don’t see how she survived off the meager salary of being a ghost writer. We were mostly worried for her neglected dog. An OK movie.
GRADE: C

And now, a discussion!
Laura: I think the divorce was just one bad thing in her life and she didn’t hit rock bottom until she tried to get that boyfriend back, and even admitting she might be an alcoholic puts her in a better place than at the beginning of the movie. It’s also possible she had alimony to supplement her income.

Mickie: She reminded me of [a person we know] and I hated her for it. Plus, she’s still rude to the dude and his sister at the end. And thinks she’s hot poop when she’s writing her last chapter in the book. I did laugh when she kills the boyfriend in the book. That was funny!

Laura: She’s a total jerk. It would be an unrealistic movie (and cliché) if she became unrude and selfless. We’re just seeing an episode in her life, not the creation of a good person. At least she didn’t kill anybody! I thought she might drink, drive and KILL.

Mickie: Oof, that would be really bad. or if the dog died.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t care that she was rude to the sister who worshiped her…god save the dog!

March 22 - The Three Musketeers

Movie: The Three Musketeers

Laura:  I’ll admit I kept talking and ignored most of this movie. I’ll also admit I was way more into the vegan marshmallows Mickie provided for dessert than watching this movie. So, I am not a fair reviewer. I’ll give it a bad grade anyway because life isn’t fair.
GRADE: D

Mickie: Paul W.S. Anderson has created a dimwitted disaster. We got a good batch of laughs from this movie, though. Heck, even Orlando Bloom seemed to laugh his way through his lines. Christoph Waltz was amazing, as always (he can’t help it), but why did he have an American accent? That was a fun thing to do during the movie: trying to figure out what accent a character was using (American? German? British? Not a French one in the bunch!) And when Milla “Acting Is Not My Forte” Jovovich jumped to her (assumed) death, that was satisfying to watch. Oh! Oh! To make this movie more exciting and different, they used zeppelins. ZEPPELINS. What the hell? At least Mads Mikkelsen was in it. He’s fun. I think it must be in his contract to always have a bum eye.
GRADE: D

March 14 - Bad Teacher

Movie: Bad Teacher

Laura: I kept saying, “This movie is stupid.” It is.
GRADE: D

Mickie: There was one funny part, though! It involved a bra. Cameron Diaz was stiff, Jason Segel was lovable, and the main antagonist was so unfunny it hurt. I think she was the bad one. Cameron’s jokes were written for a man and I can see why they thought having a cute blonde say them and act out the role of “Pig” would be a laugh riot, only it wasn’t. It just fell flat and made us groan. Five stars to Justin Timberlake, though, for showing that he is a consummate entertainer. There’s a part where he has to sing and he does it badly. It’s cute.
GRADE: C

February 22, 2012: Killer Elite

Movie: Killer Elite

Laura: I have no idea what happened in this movie. Guys had fights. Guys died. I think that was it? We couldn’t follow it for some reason (not paying attention is the reason).
GRADE: D

Mickie: Sadly, this one was quite the disappointment. It should’ve been great! Laura and I were happy to have both our silver screen loves in one movie and yes, just seeing and hearing Clive Owen and Jason Statham was somewhat satisfying. Watching them fight was pretty good but there were too many clothes left on the body for this movie to be any good for us. And really, as an action movie it still lacked excitement. That’s a shame.
GRADE: C

February 15, 2012: Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part I

Movie: Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part I

Laura: These movies are hilarious. None of the later movies in the series have ever matched up to the great time we had with the first movie, but oh well. We’ll keep watching. The storyline is ridiculous and super heavy-handed with morality messages, but I still get my laughs. Bella has a quick-grow baby and almost dies so Edward has to turn her into a vampire. The wolfy people get mad. Abortion is wrong. Virgins are great. Peace, love, and understanding.
GRADE: C-

Mickie: More like, “Breaking the Bed,” am I right?! In this one, Vampire Dude and Mopey Chick get hitched and go on a honeymoon. As far as I can tell, that’s all that happens for 1.5 hours. She gets knocked up with a baby vampire and the wolves get mad and stuff. I can hardly wait for the next movie. I’ve heard the baby grows up and the Wolf Dude falls in love with her. It’s going to be HILARIOUS.
GRADE: C+

February 8, 2012: What’s Your Number?

Movie: What’s Your Number?

Laura: This movie is silly but we liked it. It’s that Anna Faris! She’ll add fun and good times to any movie. The “number” refers to the number of men a woman has slept with before meeting her husband. Anna’s character wants to keep her number at 20 so she figures she has to marry someone she has already slept with. The silly things you think would happen happen but we loved it.
GRADE: B+

Mickie: WYN? was silly and kinda weird but I mean, what’s a movie with Anna Faris expected to be, huh? By the way, she can do no wrong. Everything she does is magic. The plot is absolutely predictable as we see all the exes Anna has had (including her real-life husband who I love to see in movies with her. It’s like a secret wink.) and why she didn’t end up with each of them. She morphs into each one to please them and this is where a lot of the humor of the movie shows up. Watching Anna do a bad British accent is really great. As she goes through this process, she falls for the “Pig,” (the bad boy/future love interest archetype) and we get to see how his character changes. I like that, though. They don’t make him a misunderstood guy. He really is the “Pig.” But he changes and it’s subtle enough that I think that Chris Evans fella has got a fine future in the moving pictures business.  The ending is schlocky, but still, not a bad flick.
GRADE: B-